Scarf'd!!

I went to a soccer game the other day, and my team lost. Fret not, though... this story isn't about the game anyway. Actually, I want to tell you about something that happened after the game.
I was walking home with some friends, and it was extremely windy. I had a scarf on, and it was whipping about like mad. I had to actually hold it on to keep it from blowing away. We walked down a long stretch of sidewalk and finally arrived at our destination (eg. the cafeteria). I sat down at a round table in the back and watched my friends eat (out of principle, I eat at my apartment... also, out of budget). Just as they were finishing, I noticed that my scarf was no longer around my neck! I began to do what most people do in a situation like that - I blamed my friends (horrid me). Surely they had taken it. But no, none of them had it. It had simply disappeared. I looked around on the floor, asked an employee or two, and scanned the lawn outside for my missing scarf, but it seemed to have vanished. Quickly I left the cafeteria, hurrying with a friend down the sidewalk back towards the soccer field, following the ground with my eyes. The scarf was nowhere to be seen.
(Now, I must interject here that if there is something I've learned in life it is that nothing lasts forever. Nothing.)
I decided that if I never got my scarf back I would be (1) very sad, and (2) determined to be ok with the fact. I know that I must hold onto my things with an open hand, knowing that they were given and can just as easily be taken away. I thanked God for letting me have the scarf, at least for awhile, and I prayed that if someone had found it, they would enjoy it as much as I had. (Weird course of thinking? Maybe. I kind of like the fact that my mind went that direction, instead of in one of anger.)
After all was said and done, I walked that sidewalk 6 times within the evening and the next morning. A strange thing happened, though. The sixth time I walked down the sidewalk, I found my scarf. It was simply laying there on the ground, fully out in the open. I had passed the spot 5 times since I lost it, and I hadn't seen it, and suddenly (on the sixth time) it was there.
I thanked God with the biggest smile on my face as I picked it up and carried it home, and he told me something. One way that he sees glory come to him is when we are willing to give up the things we have and simply love him, not worrying about what we're losing, but only thinking of what we've gained.

Lookin' for love (but what is it?)

I just realized today why God has allowed me to make some "stupid" decisions where love and romance are concerned. I'm not at all sure how to begin, because there is so much to say - and it may not be as clear on paper as it is in my head - but I'm gonna give it "the old college try". 

I was talking to a friend (her name is Amy) about various encounters I have had with others. I was basically explaining what had happened and why I acted the way I did, and I realized what I was really getting at: I have tried to find love in so many things that the world defines as "love". 

Examples? Ok. So... like... long deep conversations, "reading" each other, holding hands, taking long walks, having fun, going places...

I equated love with these things (and others) and I've always been disappointed, because (1) I get myself into situations in which I feel uncomfortable and (2) I never feel like I find love, I just find confusion and frustration because I don't actually feel like I'm "in love".

So today, as I was talking with Amy, I had a realization... a revelation, if you will (and of course, you will). 

I realized that as I think back on each of those times, God says to me, "So you did that, and you didn't feel "love". What does that say to you?" And of course I'm able to reply, "It says that that is not what love is." And he says, "Precisely."

To put this in a brief manner, He is teaching me what love is, so that when I do get married, when I do meet "the one", I'll know what and what not to expect - and how to love. In fact... I love "him" even now. I don't know him, what he looks like, or his personality, but I want the best for him. I pray for him, I think about him all the time. I miss him when I'm doing ordinary, everyday things, and I can't wait till we can do them together. I ask God to bless him, to give him everything he needs for life and godliness. In these ways, I love him. 

This is true love. Those things that you do when you're in love, well, that's precisely what they are: things that you do when you're in love. You can do them when you're not in love, too, and they shouldn't be mistaken for the real thing. 

I guess I knew this before - at least, I had an inkling - but I never knew how they tied into these silly "mistakes" I've made until today. God is teaching me how to really and truly love.

Thanks for listening. I remain truly yours,

Lindsay

The Truth About... Me.

Hey all,
Unexpected, huh? I haven't posted anything of interest in about a million billion years. I can't promise I'm gonna make up for all that now, either, but I did want to say something, and I wanted to say it publicly. It's sort of a confession and a declaration mixed into one.
Yesterday, I was hanging out with some friends, and I was feeling pretty depressed. They were all playing a game which I really do like, but I was purposely excluding myself because I simply felt like isolating myself. Later, some friends were praying for this girl and talking to her, and I gave her a word, but then I found myself getting really irritated and anxious. I just wanted to walk away from them. Even later, in the evening, I was hanging out with a friend of mine and found myself acting unlike myself, so silly, saying and doing things without thinking them through first. Overall, I had a terrible day yesterday.
At midnight, though, things changed. I met up with Dennis Preston; he was doing caricatures for an event at the college. My roommate and I waited around for our turn, and then sat. And as I sat there, I found I couldn't stop laughing. Like just seeing Dennis reminded me of everything I really am or ever was, and I rejoiced to remember the truth about myself. Then, to top it off, he did a really over-the-top drawing that reveals my personality perfectly.
I so appreciated his willingness to take a risk (that I wouldn't like what he did with the drawing) and be really honest about how he sees me. It was exactly what I needed to see in that moment when I didn't remember who I was. I was being fed lies through an IV yesterday, and he poured truth into the mix. Thanks so much, Dennis.
I always want to remember who I am, but it's not always that easy. Sometimes I give up the things that will remind me (like face-time with my Father) in favor of things that don't really matter. I've been doing that way too often lately, and the mis-prioritization is really messing me up. I need to get that time in, so I can remember who I am... so I don't have more days like yesterday. And I need to continue to maintain relationships with others who remind me of the truth about myself. It's so important.
Thanks for listening. God bless,
Lindsay