Lookin' for love (but what is it?)

I just realized today why God has allowed me to make some "stupid" decisions where love and romance are concerned. I'm not at all sure how to begin, because there is so much to say - and it may not be as clear on paper as it is in my head - but I'm gonna give it "the old college try". 

I was talking to a friend (her name is Amy) about various encounters I have had with others. I was basically explaining what had happened and why I acted the way I did, and I realized what I was really getting at: I have tried to find love in so many things that the world defines as "love". 

Examples? Ok. So... like... long deep conversations, "reading" each other, holding hands, taking long walks, having fun, going places...

I equated love with these things (and others) and I've always been disappointed, because (1) I get myself into situations in which I feel uncomfortable and (2) I never feel like I find love, I just find confusion and frustration because I don't actually feel like I'm "in love".

So today, as I was talking with Amy, I had a realization... a revelation, if you will (and of course, you will). 

I realized that as I think back on each of those times, God says to me, "So you did that, and you didn't feel "love". What does that say to you?" And of course I'm able to reply, "It says that that is not what love is." And he says, "Precisely."

To put this in a brief manner, He is teaching me what love is, so that when I do get married, when I do meet "the one", I'll know what and what not to expect - and how to love. In fact... I love "him" even now. I don't know him, what he looks like, or his personality, but I want the best for him. I pray for him, I think about him all the time. I miss him when I'm doing ordinary, everyday things, and I can't wait till we can do them together. I ask God to bless him, to give him everything he needs for life and godliness. In these ways, I love him. 

This is true love. Those things that you do when you're in love, well, that's precisely what they are: things that you do when you're in love. You can do them when you're not in love, too, and they shouldn't be mistaken for the real thing. 

I guess I knew this before - at least, I had an inkling - but I never knew how they tied into these silly "mistakes" I've made until today. God is teaching me how to really and truly love.

Thanks for listening. I remain truly yours,

Lindsay